Mum Macindoe

My mum turns 64 today, so I thought I’d make a wee video of me singing “When I’m 64″ by the Beatles.

this is Overtoun, the big house I grew up in.

When I was a kid we lived in a big house out in the countryside and lots of other people lived with us. It was a very nice, very musical, very creative environment to grow up in. Rock painting, hill walking, macrame, candle making, bread baking, group dancing, drama workshops and sharing bathrooms and food with strangers were all part of the norm (I know, this goes a long way toward explaining my current lifestyle choices)

There were also 3 pianos in our house and a constant plethora of  musicians.

This is a crowd of folks at our house – I’m the wee redhead at the front. My mum is right behind me in the blue dress.

In fact, I was so used to hippy-type guys sitting around our living room playing guitars, I actually told my primary school teacher that Bob Dylan lived at my house. Made sense to me at the time … all the other guitar strumming, deep and meaningful, song-singing guys lived at my house, so I naturally assumed Bob did too.

My parents also listened to the Beatles a lot. In fact, I was convinced John Lennon’s song “Imagine” was all about me. You see grown-ups were constantly telling me I daydreamed too much – so when he sang, “You may say I’m a dreamer…” I just assumed he was talking about yours truly.

Mum, Dad, me and big sis Ruth

The song “When I’m Sixty-Four” is an incredibly romantic number. It reminds me of my mum and dad who have managed to stick it out together for 4o years now , and they still “need and feed” each other, even in their sixties … so that’s lovely ain’t it?

When I was wee my favorite thing about my mum was that she wasn’t boring. At the park when other mums would sit on the bench and chat, my mum would hang upside-down from the monkey bars. At the beach while other mums would just lay there and sunbathe my mum would swim … and she could swim faster and hold her breath longer than all the dads! At school assemblies when the entire village was forced to mumble along to ancient hymns, picked out by our ancient school headmistress, my mum would belt them out at top volume causing all the village folks to redden up and be embarrassed for her … but she wasn’t … and it was great.

Dance workshops by mum – told you my childhood was interesting.

Happy birthday Mum – I hope you enjoy your sixties more than you ever imagined. Hope you have a great day and here’s a song for you. Thanks for having us grow up in such a musical, creative place, and for playing the Beatles a lot.

Oh yeaas, and that is my son Justice in the background of the video with his usual tom-foolery for your viewing pleasure!

Here’s the beach where they’re having the ceremony – yep, odds are high its going to be a great day.

In honor of this momentous occasion I thought I’d post a wee song and dedicate it to the happy couple.

I wrote this song for my husband Kris last year. Its a “I-love-you-and-have-decided-to-stay-with-you-forever” kind of a song, so it seemed appropriate.

My good friend Darren Thornberry helped me out with some harmonies, and we changed the lyrics a little to create a “Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers duet wedding song kinda feeling”.

John and Laura I hope you have a wonderful day, and a fantastic and blessed life together. Once again I am astounded at heaven’s goodness, and I’m so happy you found each other. Love from Kris too – and all my clan!

Not even sure what's happening in this pic, but I love it! We look like gnomes.

Then on Saturday night we played at Illegal Pete’s on the Mall in Boulder. Our new friend Nichole from the band The Hits started the night off for us. Then the immensely talented Dave Tamkin played, wowing us all with his wicked skills. I mean, really, his playing is wicked!

From now on we shall call him THE Tamkinator.

Then Kris and Darren (tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum) and I belted out some tunes for a while. It was a really enjoyable time. The staff at Illegal Pete’s are so welcoming and accommodating, and the cliental are super-friendly and supportive…. as well as a little inebriated … well, it was Saturday night after all.We rounded the night off with some whiskey and a game of trivial pursuit back at our place. I have no idea who won?!

Darren slayed by a trivia battle!

We got some exciting gigs coming up in the next few months: Illegal Pete’s in Denver, Twisted Pine Brewing in Boulder and one of my favorites, The Waterloo in Louisville. We’re expanding the band a little and we’ve adopted a new name: The Whiskey Remedy. This name is in tribute to our best friend Justin Kieser who died last year from cancer. Justin had a theory that whatever ailed you whiskey was the remedy. In honesty, this worked for Justin time and again, common colds and the flu could all be dismissed with one night of whiskey drinking. Unfortunately cancer proved to be a whole ‘nother kind of beast! But, he gave her a fight! We miss him immensely!

Esther Sparks and the Whiskey Remedy will be at Illegal Pete’s in Denver April 14th, 2012. Cheers.

who can open their mouth widest contest.

This morning my husband told me to update my blog, and so here goes, but I will warn you readers this ain’t no happy story – its a hairy, scary blog update detailing pain, bitterness, anger and the slime you generally only find hidden at the bottom of a yucky person’s soul. So, consider yourself warned and go read a blog about fluffy bunnies, redemptive stories, and quirky children who say funny things at the dinner table. Or read on ….

This is me at 21, just one week before I got married. You can’t really tell from the picture, but at this point I’d been through a rough few years. As a teenager I was wild and out of control. If you could smoke it, drink it, or snort it, then I did. That kind of behavior put me in some dangerous situations, and inevitably abuse and hurt followed.

Fortunately, I burned out on bad behavior by 18, but I limped into my twenties with a huge chip on my shoulder and a determination that I would never be hurt again. “Wounded Animal” syndrome I call it. “Touch me and I’ll bite your finger off”. I was moody, distant and generally a bitch to anyone who offended me in the slightest. When God handed out the “fight or flight” hormone he forgot the “flight” part for me. When my feelings got hurt I was like a cat with a sore paw – you might just wanna help the poor beast, but it’ll likely claw your eyeballs out.

The video below is of a song called “Died in America”. Its the story of how a loving God, a loving husband, some loving friends, and a crappy few years wore down the spikey, angry, edgy Esther and made her an easier person to be around.

I’m writing this update today because the last few years have been shitty and I frankly got the crap kicked out of me by life. The old, spikey, mean, wounded cat raises her ugly head again except now I’m older, so I’m more like a wounded dragon. Look at me wrong and I’ll breathe fire and leave you looking like a burnt out matchstick.

This person inside me scares me – I hope God can deal with her faster this time. I hope for redemption to come quickly. I hope for a forgiving husband and friends who forget easily. I hope to forgive myself and to be an easier person to live with shortly. In the mean time I hope for grace. As Brennan Manning says: “It is grace that gives us the grace to take hold of grace.”

I would, however, like to dedicate this song to some of my dear friends. Last month I visited the standing stones in Arran, Scotland, and yesterday I commented to my husband Kris that those Standing Stones remind me of the women in my life. The reason is this: the standing stones have stood for hundreds of years, through violent winds and pelting rains, because the part of the rock you can see is only half of its length. They are buried as deep in the soil, as they are tall reaching toward the sky.  As much as you can see of the rock, an equal length of it is buried beneath the ground holding her steadfast through every, and any kind of weather.

The past few years 2 of my best friends have lost their husbands to untimely deaths – 2 have lost theirs to adultery and separation. While other amazing wimen in my life have dealt with losing their homes, their source of income, almost their sanity!  I’ve watched them live through the deepest sadness, and not just survive, but keep loving their kids, keep doing the laundry, keep everyone loved and clothed and fed. They rely on God in their most challenging weaknesses, and in that they have amazing strength – well done ladies, you have my unending and undying respect and love.

Here’s my song commemorating this year of pain, in which I have also found amazing grace and healing – thank the Maker. Phew.

I played music almost everyday while I was there … mostly because my best friend Laura (pictured here with me and my sister Claire – Laura’s the curly haired one:) insisted on me playing to everyone who walked in the door! That was good of her, and I thoroughly enjoyed playing at every gathering.

I also had the honor of singing for my wee brother’s wedding – pictured here with his lovely bride Cassandra. It was a fabulous affair held in a Scottish castle; with kilts, a piper, great food, fab music and a rip roaring ceilidh (that’s a scottish evening of dance that requires much yelling and stomping and throwing each other around) … it was great

And, to make the trip complete …. I played at a lovely venue in Glasgow, The Captain’s Rest. We sold the place out, playing alongside Old Solar, a local Glasgow favorite, and Listener, who just blew everyone away! Here’s a song from that evening: Clean. This song was definitely the hit of the trip …. a clear winner as it made everyone cry and they asked for it over and over …. those emotional Scots! At the end of the song I have a bit of a coughing fit and get heckled about “too much smoking”. I tell the heckler to “shut it” … I love playing in my homeland where such things are acceptable and the people are beautiful and raw to the core!

The visual is a bit blurry, but the audio comes through just fine …

My Best Friend and Me …

is a 4 song e.p free for download. All 4 songs are for, and about, my husband Kris and this here married life of ours!

Watch the video below – read the blog of what and why I wrote these songs – then click HERE to download the tracks for free if you please. You’ll find all four songs in the playlist, they’re titled:

My Best Friend and Me, The Way It Is, Always, and 14 Years of Never Listening. Download em all!

The What and Why I wrote these songs:

My husband Kris and I have been married for 14 years, but for almost 2 of those years, for work purposes, Kris had to live away from home, coming back only on the weekends, or every few weeks as he could manage.  Those months of being apart were incredibly difficult for both of us; at times I felt ripped in two, not only by the separation, but by the financial uncertainty and the foreclosure of our home that was also happening at the same time. As that time came to an end, friends who’d lived through similar experiences warned me that the “coming back to live together” could be even harder than the being apart. They weren’t wrong. It was difficult, complicated and severely heart breaking at times.  For the past 9 months we have been living back together full time, and I have discovered that sometimes you have to lose everything to truly know WHAT it was you had in the first place. I have learned the need to forgive and be forgiven in deeper places than I ever thought existed.  I have woken up – grown up – in my soul and begun to shut up and listen – hopefully to truly SEE my spouse. I am still learning all these things. So these songs have come out of this time.  At this point in my rant, if he were contributing, Kris would tell me to stop being so dramatic. And that would make laugh and I would realize he is right, and I would laugh at myself for taking life so seriously.  Kris often says that he loves to hear me laugh. And isn’t that love? Enjoying the happiness of the person you are with? In my adult life, it was Kris who taught me that I was a thing worth loving in the first place – he continues to do that and after these past few painful years of separation and heart ache I am so thankful to get to live with the person I love and who loves me. I feel truly known by my best friend, and marriage is a more difficult, yet much richer thing than I ever thought it could be. I hope you enjoy these songs. Thanks for listening.

Click here and follow directions to get the songs for FREE!

This song is for my family.

(parental warning: I swear in this song – shocking I know since I usually have such a clean mouth:)